It was 2am in the morning, the moon was high and there wolves were on the hunt (ok thats not accurate- it was raining and there’s no wolves). And I had just nearly finished a complicated-ish (I’ve only been at this for 3 weeks now) papercut when my knife slipped. It ran over my thumb BUT more importantly…I decapitated my bird. (A sentence that could only appear in this context and be ‘ok’).
So I felt sad and wondered if it was possible to save the little fella by dipping the edge of a sewing needle into superglue and then with a magnifying glass amplifying it to a better size – apply the superglue too the mangled paper cut. The short answer is- no it wouldn’t work.
But in reality – This happened:-
I couldn’t open the tube of superglue (which is common for me, my hands have rubbish strength in them) and decided to use the technique I use to open Irn Bru. I used my teeth. But as I was turning the lid with my fangs – it (without sounding too dramatic) exploded into my mouth and in my panic… I gulped. The entire contents of the superglue tube…..and the lid were swallowed and my lips were sealed…literally. It tasted sweet and I don’t recommend it.
I didn’t know what to you – it was 2am. I managed to rip my lips open (ouch-y) and sign onto google/the internet. I Googled – “Is Superglue Toxic?” and the answers varied from “You’ll be fine” to the troll response of “You’re going to die”. I then pondered how the lid would be digested and if it would get digested. I wasn’t sure enough to make a choice.
I live in the UK (this is important as what happens next) and called NHS 24. I then, with my face burning with shame, explained what had happened and asked if I would be alright. They weren’t sure.
At 2.30am I called a friend, for a taxi to the local hospital….I could go on but the bottom line is – I changed my mind and cut a lion (when I got home).
This is said lion:-